About

My journey through recovery has been miraculous, for most people don’t come back from the places that I went. Much is written about getting sober, the bottoms, the interventions, the pain, the loss, the hope, the despair, the treatment centers, and the twelve steps. All of these interest me too, but my newest concerns surround daily life: the things I think about, conversations at work, my behavior, my secret fears, paranoia, coffee, love, sex, insecurity, security, confidence, etc. Now with some distance between me and my most recent drink and drug, the daily struggle of  not picking up has suddenly been replaced with living life on life’s terms, whether I like it or not.  Today I can see an addict’s thinking in nearly every area of my day….my morning routines created to defeat my drugs have become drug-like themselves. My ride in to work brings rage some days with peace and serenity the next, based in large part of that aforementioned morning routine. My interactions at work and the simultaneous thoughts through me head are often bizarre, either leading me to laugh at myself or find a hiding place to cuss or pray, or both. In short, though the drugs and the drinks have left my mind for now, that mysterious “real” problem those old-timers used to reference is becoming abundantly clear.  The crippling drug and alcohol problem that led me to a bottom so low that the only direction out was up…that awful problem was but a symptom, an obvious yet small symptom. My real problem is in the mirror, and that’s quite alright with me.

Writing about my experiences has been of great benefit to me and I hope my words can bring comfort to others.