I am given an incredible amount of trust and freedom at work. They love and respect me, and allow me to do my thing with minimal interference. However, this addict in me is just as likely to whine about being left alone as to be grateful for not having anyone breathing down my neck. Every once in a while I will get a message from my boss to come see here for a minute…and every time this happens I assume the worst. There are times when hours may pass between me getting her message and her having the time to meet with me. My mind goes crazy? “What have I done?” “This must be bad.” I will wrack my brain, going over the details of the last week trying to figure out what this meeting must be about. In an hour I can go from confident competent leader to assuming I will be jobless by day’s end. I look at my office and wonder if I will be able to fit all my stuff in the back of the Honda, removing all traces of me in only one trip. I go through the kitchen trying to recall which utensils and equipment belong to me and which ones belong to work….”Screw it, they can keep my stuff.” I start thinking about my resume’ not being up to date. How long will I be able to afford to live before I find a new gig? I check Craigslist for job openings. My eyes start to well-up. I get sad. I get mad. I get happy and excited! Woohoo! I can’t wait to sleep late and do what I want to do all day. Think of all the things I will be able to do!
Then the phone rings…”Ok, I can see you now.” I march down to her office, mentally prepared for what is about to happen, having fully imagined and rehearsed the conversation that is surely about to take place. But instead of firing me, she tells me how well I have done on my yearly job performance evaluation, thanks me for my hard work, and tells me to keep on doing what I have been doing. Oh.
On the way back to the kitchen I recall the previous times I have been called to the office, scared as hell, expecting the worst….Once it was to talk about plans to send me to a conference. Another time it was to let me know I would be receiving an award. Other times were to seek my feedback about particular clients. Last time it was so she could share with me that a local magazine had featured her in an article. Another day it was to alert me of an upcoming audit so I could be sure all my paperwork was in order.
The irony is that the next time I am called to the office….I will surely be scared.
Clean & Sober 