I Now Pronounce You….

The next time you hear from me I will be married. That’s right. You never thought this 45 year old man would find himself so incredibly blessed, and neither did he I.

Do you remember, years ago, when you asked someone you respected and trusted something like, “How do you know when you have found the right one, the woman you want to marry?” Their answer was the always frustrating, “You’ll know when you have found her. You’ll just know.” What were they saying? There were times in the distant past when I was somewhat in love and wondered if she was the one, but that old question was always swirling in my head. The answers those times were not so clear….maybe? Maybe not?

Today, I know exactly what that wise person was talking about. Today I know! I know it completely and I accept it fully, for Dana and I have found something magical.

But, much like my sobriety, I did not realize it at the moment it happened. It snuck up on me over time, only growing as I learned to live in the present, only possible as I made myself truly available, and only making itself visible in retrospect. I cannot tell you when I knew that Dana was the one…not the day, not the week, and not the month. I do know that it was after some time together… time spent sharing time and thoughts, time spent having wonderful moments, and time spent doing nothing much at all. One day it dawned on me…I have found the one.

I cannot tell you when I got sober, really sober….not the day, not the week, and not the month. I do know that it happened after some period of time, time during which I failed to have a drink or drug…time spent sharing time and thoughts, time spent having wonderful moments, and part of the time doing nothing much at all. Though I had tried so hard and failed so miserably for years and years, it finally happened, really happened, when I quit trying so hard, when I learned to spend real time in the present, and when I made myself truly available. One day, right in the middle of things, it dawned on me….I’m sober, I am really sober. I am free.

Let love rule!

~Carl